THE RULES
-You must stick to a roughly 50/50 selection of parodies and originals.
-You can only use commercially released material.
-You have 80 minutes to work with. If you really love "Albuquerque," "Jackson Park Express," "Trapped in the Drive-Thru," and "Genius in France," and you want to include them, that's cool, but realize that you've used up more half your space with just four songs.
And that's pretty much it. You don't have to include a polka, and you don't have to include a song from every album.
Here's what I came up with:
THE MUSTS - These are the songs that one day will be preserved by the Library of Congress as historical cultural artifacts. The only way you don't know these songs is if you're just getting out of a coma from 1983, in which case, thanks for making WOWAY one of your first stops on this newfangled Internet thingy!
Eat It
Like a Surgeon
Dare to Be Stupid
Smells Like Nirvana
Amish Paradise
White and Nerdy
That starts us off with 6 tracks, a 5:1 parody-to-original ratio, and 20:17 of space taken.
THE ALMOST-MUSTS - These are all perfectly logical inclusions on a best-of, but there wouldn't necessarily be rioting in the streets if one or two were left off.
I Lost on Jeopardy
One More Minute
Yoda
Fat
UHF (I don't think that this song necessarily belongs with the rest as far as notoriety goes, but it was the title theme to his movie so it probably deserves a slot. Also, we'll use the single edit)
That brings us to 11 tracks total, an 8:3 parody-to-original ratio, and 39:20 of space taken. Oddly enough, a full third of these songs are from DTBS, which I've always considered one of Al's lesser efforts. Anyway, now that we've got the general public on board with the gateway drug of parodies, it's time to pump up the original count.
THE PUMP UP THE ORIGINALS COUNT - They may not be as well-known to the public, but these fan favorites are essential into understanding Al. (Ooh, let's call the compilation Understanding Al, with a really serious black and white picture of him on the cover. That'll really fool people.)
Dog Eat Dog
Good Old Days
You Don't Love Me Anymore
Frank's 2000" TV
Albuquerque (I'm really fighting myself on this one. It's such a definitive Al track, but if I take it off, I can fit three other songs in its place. We'll keep it for now, but it may get knocked off for no reason other than sheer length.)
I almost included "This is the Life" here but we're already pretty packed with DTBS material, an album that I clearly need to re-examine. We're at 16 tracks now, an even 8 parodies and 8 originals, and 65:59 of space taken. 14 minutes to go, and the following albums have yet to be represented: "Weird Al" Yankovic, Poodle Hat, Alpocalypse, and Mandatory Fun(!). Jeez, this is harder than I expected. Normally I would feel compelled to represent everything, but it's just not going to happen. My gut is telling me not to cut "Albuquerque." Including a polka remains a question mark. I'd like to, but we're now on a track-to-track basis on what can fit.
THE BEST OF THE REST
Another One Rides the Bus
eBay
Skipper Dan
Tacky (My preference is "Word Crimes," but "Tacky" seemed to get the most traction)
Wow, I didn't even intend for this, but that perfectly worked out to include something from the unrepresented albums! No polka, but that's ok. We're at 20 tracks, 11 parodies and 9 originals (which I'll consider "close enough"), and 79:10. And that--wait, hold on a second. "Tacky" is exactly 50 seconds shorter than "Word Crimes." Swap them and we hit 80 minutes EXACTLY. Sorry Pharrell, it's fate. I have to do it. This disc literally cannot handle one more second of music, and that's the way it should be.
UNDERSTANDING AL - The final track list
- Amish Paradise
- One More Minute
- Word Crimes
- Good Old Days
- Another One Rides the Bus
- You Don't Love Me Anymore
- eBay
- Like a Surgeon
- Skipper Dan
- I Lost on Jeopardy
- Yoda
- Eat It
- UHF
- Smells Like Nirvana
- Dare to Be Stupid
- Albuquerque
- Dog Eat Dog
- Fat
- Frank's 2000" TV
- White and Nerdy
Now excuse me while I go lie down for a couple hours.
